Sunday, November 23, 1997, 11:13pm
A person I knew died recently; I just found out a few minutes ago. I hardly knew him, and what I did know of him wasn’t necessarily good. He always seemed to be a little punk who didn’t care about anything. Turns out he had leukemia or cancer or something. He was a year younger than me. I’m writing this because when I heard, I didn’t feel anything. There was just a void. The first thing that registered was shock, then an emptiness. Kyle was only 16 or 17. No one deserves to die that young. One of the things that crossed my mind was that the world was no worse off for his death. Then I caught what I was thinking. What has society done to me to make me think things like that? All life is precious. A person does not deserve to die simply because I didn’t like them even though I didn’t know them. I lit three votive candles for Kyle, something I’ve never done before for anyone. I lit them for a stranger. Why? I don’t know. A few days ago the father of a girl I know died. He was hunting in the woods and had a heart attack. His friends, other hunters, found him when he didn’t show up. Earlier that day I saw a deer, gutted and hanging from a tree. I was angry at hunters for the senseless torment they put animals through in the name of sport. Now I think of the torment that each and every one of us goes through when we make friendships, relationships, or just think about each other. Earlier today I went and saw Starship Troopers, a war movie. A gore-fest. A Nazi-era throwback. In it people and arachnids (the evil aliens) were getting blown to pieces. I’m rather squeamish and I often covered my eyes with my hat. Other times I laughed along with my friends when someone was killed in an amusing way.

In real life there is no amusing way to die.